Playoff Tickets- Round 1

Playoff tickets for Round 1 acquired.

I initially planned to only purchase tickets for 2 of the 4 games. But then I logged on and saw that the tickets were pretty affordable so I bought tickets to all 4.

This means that if any of the games fall on April 14, April 16, April 19, or April 23, I will probably be looking to sell those tickets because I already have plans that cannot be changed for those nights (especially the 16th and 23rd). We bought two tickets for each game.

If you are reading this and you have any interest in these tickets, please let me know. They are in the 200s, good seats. If I know you, I will sell them to you for what we paid. Leave a comment or email me and I'll let you know the price.

Kings Clothes, Part 1

I love shopping for clothes.

I love the Kings.

Ergo, I doubly love shopping for Kings-related clothing.

I'm in the middle of researching the online clothing options out there so that I can do a proper post on Kings clothing. But I just came across something that I felt compelled to share immediately. In case you can't tell (or don't know me in person, like the other 4 readers of this blog), I do love a dirty pun.

You can purchase it here:
http://theroyalhalf.spreadshirt.com/pennertration-hooded-sweatshirt-A7221025/customize/color/4



The Royal Half Gift Shoppe is pretty good. Drew Doughty for Prime Minister? Hilarious. By the Beard of Zus? I'll take two. JMFJ? Yes please! And I am particularly loving the I <3 Kopitar shirt.

But tonight, the PENNERTRATION shirt is, by far, my favorite. (My husband says he wouldn't wear it, but he would wear as "IS GOOD #30" shirt. Har har, honey.)

Kopitar. So sad.

I am despondent.

The current story is that Kopitar broke his right ankle and will be out 6-8 weeks. He is supposed to have an MRI on Monday.

The video is here:



I didn't see it in real-time, but I turned the TV on as soon as I saw the twitter feeds light up (I was paying bills and listening to the game, and told myself that I could turn the game on as soon as I was done). So when I watched the re-play above, I braced myself.

The worst part wasn't watching his ankle twist. It wasn't watching him hit the ice and roll over, clearly in pain. It wasn't even watching Zus, Penner, and a trainer help him off the ice. It was the last few seconds of the video, when he reaches out for the trainers and then leans into them, depending on them, clearly unable to support his own weight. "Jesus Christ," I thought. "He's really hurt."

Sometimes sports injuries look bad and then, thankfully, aren't bad at all. Especially in hockey. Like this one, of Kopitar taking a massive hit. It looks terrible, and then he ends up being fine. As a star player, he's taken plenty of these hits.



So when a hockey player goes down, and then stays down, sometimes it's not actually that bad. Sometimes a player does the smart thing by not moving for a minute- by waiting for his breathing to even out, waiting for his head to stop spinning, testing out his arms and legs, and finally sitting up slowly in case he has a head injury. And then that player might get up and be just fine. (And sometimes, players dramatize and exaggerate in order to get a penalty out of it.)

But when a player has to be helped off the ice and cannot put any weight on one of his legs, you pretty much know- it's bad. And watching Kopitar reach out for the trainers, and then seeing the 11 on the back of his jersey disappear as he hopped slowly down the hall back to the locker room...it really breaks my heart.

And not just because I'm worried about the Kings' chances during the rest of the season. With Williams and Kopitar- the two leading scorers- out of commission, the Kings will be fighting an uphill battle to even make the playoffs. But let's not worry about that right now, because I'm hoping that the rest of the team steps up - and I know they will try - and the Kings might end up being just fine.

But for Kopitar - who looked "crestfallen," according to someone who saw him leave the arena in a golf cart with a temporary cast on - this is pretty much the worst news ever. He'll be off the ice for an extended period of time. He faces a painful recovery. But worse than that, he simply won't be able to pursue the Cup with the rest of his team. The best case scenario is that he watches from the sidelines as the Kings struggle through the rest of the regular season, and then watches some more as they struggle through the first round (and maybe even second round) of the playoffs. Only then, if his recovery is successful, is he likely going to be able to return to the ice. I can't even imagine how difficult that will be, emotionally and mentally, for Kopitar. He is ridiculously dedicated. He is ridiculously good. And now, he is out of commission.

I'll be thinking about you, Kopi. I'll say an extra prayer over my Kopitar puck tonight, and every night, until you're back.

The Kings Are a Local Team, You Ignorant B*tch

Last weekend I went to Sports Authority to exchange some insoles. It took some convincing but they finally let me exchange some women's insoles for some men's insoles about 6 months past the time limit permitted on the receipt. When I left I felt like yelling "Lawyered!" and making the universal "suck it" motion, but I refrained, because I'm classy like that.

Normally I'd consider that a win. Except that about halfway through my time at Sports Authority, something happened that reminded me of how little SoCal respects the sport of hockey.

I'm already infuriated that the LA Times sports page has the Kings and Ducks on the same tab. USC and UCLA each get their own tab. The Clippers and the Lakers each get their own tab and they play in the same freaking arena and are from the same town. So why do the Ducks and the Kings, who play 45 minutes apart, from different counties, share a freaking tab? Because Southern California does not give a crap about hockey.

It's sad too, because last night the Kings played their 31st sold out home game of the season. Take heart, LA Kings, even if certain segments of the population don't notice you, WE DO.

Anyway, when I walked into Sports Authority, I saw that there was a sale on professional team clothes. We already have 3 Kings jerseys between the 2 of us, but I wanted to check it out because I'm always looking for more Kings gear for women. There are tons of Kings clothing options for men, but the selection for women is pretty limited. I'm still on the hunt for something to wear to a Kings game that doesn't make me look like a 14 year old boy (jerseys totally flatten my boobs. It's dismaying.)

I didn't see anything for the Kings. It's a big store though, so I asked a passing employee.

PTT: Do you have any LA Kings clothes?

Employee: No, we only have local teams.

PTT: I'm not asking about the Sacramento Kings, I'm asking about the LA Kings.

Employee: (blank stare)

PTT: You know, like, HOCKEY? Ice hockey? LA Kings?

Employee: We only have LOCAL teams. You know, like, the Lakers, Clippers...

PTT: The Kings play at the same place as the Lakers. And the Clippers.

Employee: ...USC, UCLA, Dodgers, Angels.

PTT: You have stuff for the ANAHEIM Angels, but you don't have stuff for the LOS ANGELES KINGS?

Employee: No (with rising attitude) I tooooold you, we only have stuff FOR LOCAL TEAMS.

PTT: Whatever. (walking away, over my shoulder) THE LA KINGS ARE LOCAL.

Eventually her co-worker who witnessed the entire thing took pity on me, explained that even though the Kings are local, Sports Authority still doesn't carry any Kings gear (WTF), assured me that her co-worker "is really dumb," and then sheepishly helped me exchange my insoles.

What a dumb b*tch.

Playoff Tickets- UPDATED

UPDATED BELOW

Well I must be a fucking idiot (see: underwater basketweaving entry, below) because I don't understand how I can buy playoff tickets for the LA Kings.

I've received like 10 emails from the Kings over the past few weeks saying different things. And their website (when it's working) says something totally different.

My anxiety over this is compounded by the fact that there are 4 nights between April 13 and April 26 where I have plans that I absolutely positively cannot change, meaning that if we buy tickets for only 2 games and those games are on those nights, I am going to kill someone. I'd love to buy strips of tickets for the first two rounds and then just sell the ones for the nights we can't go but Ollie put his foot down about spending that much for tickets. Fucking Red Wings fan. I bet if he knew that the Kings were playing the Wings in the first round he'd sing a different tune (love you honey).

Plus, our ticket guy is really annoying the shit out of me. For the last fucking time, I DO NOT WANT PLAYOFF PRIORITY BY PLACING A DEPOSIT FOR SEASON TICKETS NEXT YEAR. I don't WANT season tickets next year. (Clarification: I *do* want season tickets next year, but I don't have $15,000 to drop on a pair of season tickets.)

I just need someone to walk me through this (possible), give me assurances that the games will not be on those four nights (impossible), and guarantee that the Kings will win the Stanley Cup (possible! I believe!) Is that too much to ask?!

UPDATE:

Clarification obtained! The reason I was receiving conflicting emails is because we have purchased individual tickets and group tickets so I was getting both sets of emails. The general public (aka individual ticket buyers) can access tickets 3/30; group leaders (I organized two big groups this season and bought tickets through a broker) can access tickets on 3/28.

You can also access tickets on 3/28 if you put down a deposit on season tickets for 2011-2012.

AND (this has nothing to do with playoff tickets but it seems like a good deal) if you are a past group leader and you are planning to go to at least one game next year, you can put a $200 deposit down now and get, among other things, 2 free 100-level seats to a game next year, 2 free tickets to Hockey Fest, and if you sweet talk your broker, you can apply the deposit towards individual tickets (so I don't have to bring another group, which to be honest, was fine for one game but pretty stressful for that second game because my group members forgot how to read and sat in everyone else's seats which caused some issues).

WHEW. I feel much better. Now I just need to pray that the tickets we buy are not for the nights that I have dance performances.

Goalies.

Sometimes I like to state the obvious.

The most marvelous observation about stating the obvious is set forth at the start of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (an excellent series that I highly recommend). In order to understand this passage, all you need to know is that Ford Prefect is an alien.

"One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in 'It's a nice day,' or 'You're very tall,' or 'Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?' At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behavior. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up."

What Ford does not seem to understand is that sometimes things that seem obvious are not actually obvious. Or maybe that is wrong, and instead - and this is a real possibility - I am dumber than most of my fellow humans and things that are obvious to others are not very obvious to me.

Case in point: Recently I learned that underwater basket-weaving does not actually involve holding your breath. For years I was confused whenever someone used that phrase as an expression for something extremely easy. "What," I thought naively, "is so easy about weaving a basket while you are holding your breath? That actually seems quite difficult." It was not until I was sitting alone one day that it hit me:

Underwater basketweaving is this:

..not this.

Like Jack McBrayer says in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, "Life is full of lessons. You learn something new every day so...I wonder what I'm going to learn tomorrow."

Well Jack, I'm glad you mention that. Because last week I learned something new that is the topic of this very blog wherein I state the obvious:

Being a goalie is hard.

And not like, kind of hard. It's really, REALLY, REALLY HARD. (That's what she said.)

I am not sure what exactly prompted me to realize this extremely obvious fact. For months I have gone to games and shit-talked about Quick and Bernier when they let one (or two...or three...) in the net. I also watched the All-Star Skills Challenge where Zdeno Chara clocked in shooting at 105.9 miles per hour. So I have no idea why I did not put two and two together and get "being a goalie is hard."

As an aside, am I the only one who thinks of Charo when I hear Chara's name? Cuchi-cuchi!

Yeah, I thought so.

I think that part of my realization was watching Quick make a totally insane save (I can't remember which game, so I can't find video, but just watch a few games and I guarantee you'll see some sick saves from him). I mean, to be a goalie you have to be willing to do the following:

- strap the equivalent (size and weight) of a 1 year old child to each leg

- climb into a sumo suit of padding

- stand in one place voluntarily while grown men pelt you with fast, small, hard objects going over 100 mph

- block or catch those hard small objects with your face, hands, stick, and glove

- ...while wearing a helmet that partially obscures your vision

- ...and ice skates.

- have the ability to rapidly change positions that include but are not even remotely limited to: knees, splits, lying down, standing up, and crouching

- do the splits as a DUDE (presumably with testicles)

- feel the weight of 18,000 pairs of eyes on your back whenever the puck comes into your team's zone

- be a total scapegoat aka take the blame for at least 75% of the losses (even though 75% of the fault is not yours)

- not cry when you are pulled

- watch (or not watch) replays on the jumbo-tron of your most recent failure to do the job that you are paid to do

- be heckled and abused by Sean Avery. (Sean Avery will get his own post later. It will involve two videos of him egregiously abusing goalies. You probably already know which videos I'm talking about.)

I mean, what the hell? Who would sign up for this thankless task? On the one hand, I sure as hell would never be a good goalie. I can kind of do the splits and stand up again quickly, but I would for sure, 100% guaranteed, cry my eyes out if I was pulled. On the other hand, knowing that you dictate how well the game goes for your team - while stressful - must also be really fun sometimes.

And so, I take my hat off to all of the goalies out there. Even if you suck at defending the goal, the mental game that you play every time seems so much harder than it is for any other player on the ice. You are the last line of defense and you have to deal with that realization every time you step onto the ice. When I see the look of determination in a goalie's eyes, I get chills. To all the goalies out there, thanks for being fucking awesome.

I leave you with this video of Heidi Androl learning what it takes to be an NHL goalie. I really want her job.

Sports.

I'll be honest- I have been known to get teary-eyed over sports before. When a figure skater falls during the Olympics, sometimes I get choked up. When an athlete steps onto the top of the podium to get a gold medal and cries, I need to wipe my eyes. Even that damned Morgan Freeman commercial about Derek Redmond makes me tear up a little. I have always loved athletes. I just love watching people do what they love to do- what they are born to do. There is nothing better.

What is it about athletes that makes us care so deeply? My cousin thinks that team sports tap into some sort of communal mentality where your team becomes your family and you feel a tribal sense of urgency to protect and support them. I agree.

Until recently, I did not truly understand what it meant to love a team. Yes, I loved specific athletes. Yes, I rooted for Team USA during the Olympics. But I did not truly LOVE a team. I always wondered "Why do fans riot? Why do they burn cars even when their team wins? That's needlessly destructive."

And then I became a fan of the Kings. I love them. I just...love them. If the Kings win the Stanley Cup someday, I frankly do not know what I will do. I might light my own house on fire from sheer excitement. Just thinking about it fills me with enough energy to power a space shuttle. Conversely, thinking about the Kings being eliminated during this season's playoffs fills me with...well, I'll let the kid at the 2:00 mark in the video below tell you how that will make me feel.

Below is one of the videos from the NHL youtube page that I came across last night. I couldn't sleep, so I watched like 50 videos posted by NHL. This is a good one. I cheered when I saw the Kings come out of the locker room. The video also features our very own Drew Doughty just before the 2:00 mark. I won't lie, I got a little teary-eyed. I love watching the teams shake hands- watching the goalies hug- watching people celebrate even though they are not in Kings jerseys. It just really gets me. This - in addition to my realization about goalies that will be the subject of another blog entry- is probably a sign that I am starting to love the game of hockey as well as the Kings.

I can't wait for the playoffs.

Best of Rob Scuderi

I've been watching a lot of hockey videos. Here are two of my favorites featuring the Kings' very own Rob Scuderi. In addition to being a seriously amazing defenseman, he is also the reason that I am such a fan of the Kings (see my second ever blog entry- http://protectthisthrone.blogspot.com/2011/03/welcome-part-2-aka-day-i-fell-in-love.html). Even if, heaven forbid, he someday leaves the Kings...I will always be a Scuderi fan.

Video #1: I'm so glad he is with the Kings.



Video #2: After watching this video, I have to wonder, is there nothing that Rob Scuderi can't do?!

Duck Country?

I'm thinking about taking my dad to see a hockey game. My parents live in OC so I'm hoping to take him when the Ducks host the Kings. That would be super sweet. I've only ever rooted for the Kings from the Staples Center. I wonder how much shit we'd get for proudly sporting our Kings jerseys at the Pond. Only one way to find out. I just wonder if we can still get affordable tickets!

The Day After

The day after a terrible game is like the day after a terrible break-up. I am COMPELLED to find someone who will do an appropriate postmortem with me. When was the moment that it began to fall apart? Why did it go so badly in the end? Was there anything I could have done differently?

My co-worker Eugene, who went to the game last night and sat right behind the Kings bench with his friend, a season ticket holder, lasted about seven minutes when I tried to talk to him this morning. (As an aside, he got there late and missed the Clifford fight. If I had tickets in the 100s, I'd freaking get there on time. But he got me a picture of Scuderi's back from the bench so I forgive him.)

My husband, who I tried to talk to last night about it, listened for about 30 minutes (he really loves me) but did not adequately share in my utter heartbreak.

Thank GOD for the Internet, because the plethora of Kings bloggers allows me to read ("talk") about every single game at length. I love reading the blogs. I don't ever comment; it's too much effort. Instead I silently judge people and then blog about it here.

In general, I try to avoid reading the comments on anything online - blogs, articles, etc. There's always some asshole who is going to say something that completely inflames me and causes me to lose faith in humanity. (The people who think that the earthquake is "payback" for Pearl Harbor, I'm talking to you, you douchebags.) The good folks over at Penny Arcade best describe why I do not read comments:

But I do make one exception to this rule, for Rich Hammond and his readers.

Rich writes for LA Kings Insider: http://lakingsinsider.com/. He seems like a good, straightforward guy. And more importantly, reading the comments on his posts is NOT like reading the comments on the LA Times website. Rich's readers seem like devoted Kings fans who are usually able to articulate themselves colorfully yet respectfully. I approve. His readers frequently express how I feel about being a Kings fan - enormous highs tempered by despair and total heartbreak when the team that you love - a team that you KNOW can play so well - plays like crap.

Rich is doing a particularly good series of posts today about booing, which will be the topic of a post here in the near future.

(Also, I corrected my post from last night. The Kings had THREE shots on goal after the first period, not two. My bad. Three is so much better. Sigh.)

18,118

That is the (approximate) number of people who had the privilege of seeing the Kings PLAY LIKE SHIT TONIGHT.

As Wil Wheaton tweeted:




Though, in Quick's defense, I actually don't blame him. His teammates really played like shit. THREE (edit: Earlier, I incorrectly stated that they had two shots on goal. Three is so much better.) shots on goal in the first period? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

As an aside, whenever they say that the Kings are playing "in front" of a sold out crowd of 18,118, I know that that is not true, because not every seat is filled. Every seat might be SOLD, but not every seat is filled. I think the radio commentators, who I otherwise love, should start distinguishing between a sold-out game, and a game with 18,118 people actually present. Or they should throw an "approximate" in there, like I did. As Marshall would say, "Lawyered!"

Game Days

There are only 8 more home games this season.

Every time that there is a home game, I check ticket prices at least once every few days for the weeks preceding the game. I mention to my husband how much I'd love to go to the game (yes, every game). He says "we're saving up for playoff tickets." Temporarily placated by the promise of playoffs, I go back to whatever I'm doing. Five minutes later I'm checking ticket prices again.

On Game Days, I become downright frenzied. For away games, I obsessively check my phone to make sure it will give me alerts. I can usually last the entire first period just relying on my phone. Then at some point during the second period, I HAVE to drive home to watch the game. If I'm not home for the start of the third period, I lose the ability to articulate myself and feel the urge to smash everything that is preventing me from watching the game from home.

Home games are even worse. In the hours leading up to the game, my enthusiasm enters a ridiculously high pitch and I contemplate just driving downtown (early, of course, to beat the traffic...and grab a happy hour burger at McCormick and Schmick's) to buy tickets from someone standing outside the Staples Center. If I know someone who is going to the game, I seek them out to discuss everything possible. Will they send me a picture from their seat? Are they excited about seeing Dustin Penner in person for the first time? What do they mean, they don't know who Dustin Penner is? HOW DID THEY FUCKING GET TICKETS WHEN I DIDN'T?! WONGSBY SMASH! In fact, today I spent half the day yelling through my wall at my poor co-worker, who made the mistake of telling me around lunchtime that he'd just been invited to the game tonight. (He doesn't know who Dustin Penner is.)

The game starts in less than 2 hours. Right now I'm trying very hard not to sell my car, my house, my first-born child, and my legal degree for two tickets to tonight's game. It's been too long since I saw a home game (like...a whole month). I miss it.

Must not go downtown. Must not go downtown.

Zebra Corn (and This Blog's Very First Challenge)

Due to food allergies, I cannot have alcohol. Or coffee. In fact, I am probably the only person to ever complete college and law school without having a sip of alcohol, coffee, Red Bull, caffeine pills, or even Sudafed.

But I can have sugar. And boy, do I LOVE sugar. Just ask my lovely friend Julia, who witnessed my three-year long daily consumption of Peanut M&Ms and Hot Tamales. Or my beautiful friend Deborah, with whom I shared a 5 pound bag of gummi bears during one study session that was highly efficient for about 45 minutes...before we completely crashed and passed out on my couches, only to "come to" three hours later completely dizzy and disoriented.

In other words, sugar is my drug of choice.

Since becoming a Kings fan, I have discovered the absolute perfect vehicle for delivering high quality sugar and complete deliciousness: ZEBRA CORN.

That's right. It's the high quality Popcornopolis caramel corn, drizzled with dark chocolate and white chocolate. I am pretty sure that they serve this in heaven.

Speaking of which, this is my favorite heaven related video clip:

JD and Turk clearly have not tasted Zebra Corn, because if they had, it would have been featured prominently in their (what I can only hope is an otherwise accurate) description of heaven.

You can order it online using the following link, but I can assure you that it tastes better when you buy it from the Staples Center during a Kings game.

http://www.popcornopolis.com/Gourmet-Zebra%99-Popcorn_PD190:cPath-1.html

And I'm hoping that it will taste EVEN BETTER when I buy it in a month during a Kings PLAYOFF game.

So, gentle readers, here is my very first Protect This Throne Challenge. Think of it as my blog's very own McFlurry Minute. If, by the end of this season, you can procure for me a video of the "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" video that is played at the end of the King's second period break, I will buy you some Zebra Corn. I may even deliver it in person. Go forth and video!

Things I Love About Kings Games: Stretching, McFlurry Minute, Second Period Break

There are many moments that I love about a live hockey game at the Staples Center.

I usually try to arrive early enough to see the warm-ups. First of all, I love watching them stretch. Tell me that this isn't sexy.

(Thoroughly awesome photo is courtesy of Paul Bissonnette from the Coyotes, which he tweeted with the caption "Just leading bobby through some yoga poses during warm ups."- http://yfrog.com/h8llqdaj). Follow him here: http://twitter.com/#!/biznasty2point0. You won't regret it.

Matt Greene also has some wise words about stretching (see around 1:35 in the video below). Matt Greene is so awesome that he deserves his own blog entry, which will come later this month. This video really shows his sense of humor. I love this guy. (And not just because I dated a nice guy in high school named Matt Greene, who, btw, was also great.)

I also love the McFlurry Minute. It's the last minute of the second period of a Kings game where the announcer promises that if the Kings score, everyone will receive a free McFlurry.

How do I even describe how much I love McFlurries. So, so much. They get me through long road trips. In fact, I am pretty sure that I ate a McFlurry each day during our recent road trip around the Southwest. I also depend upon them to keep me cool during trips north to SF when we have to go through the Central Valley. Somehow the hours of staring at absolutely nothing in the Central Valley don't seem so bad when I am clutching a light fluffy cold Oreo McFlurry. Mmmm.

Anyway, usually the crowd goes wild. Maybe they all love McFlurries as much as I do. Maybe they just love free stuff. Maybe they just want to show support for the Kings during that last minute. Who knows. I wonder if the Kings ever hear the crowd go wild and think "god dammit, we've been skating our asses off for 40 minutes and they are cheering for a god damned Mcflurry? Just buy one for $1!!!"

Note: sometimes the McFlurry "Minute" is flexible- we recently attended a game where the Kings did not score during that minute, but they did so well in the third period (including an empty net goal) that they handed out McFlurry coupons as we all left the Staples Center. SWEET.

I also REALLY LOVE the last few minutes of the second period break because they play this awesome video of the Kings kicking ass and taking names. The video mostly plays on the Jumbotron but I think they also project some video onto the ice, which makes me wildly excited. It's set to You're Gonna Go Far, Kid by the Offspring. I always try to make it back to my seat for this video. Then I dance around wildly and generally embarrass the shit out of my husband by grabbing his shoulders and jumping up and down. (This image is probably funnier if you know that he is over 6 feet tall and I am just barely 5'3".) Just hearing the song when I'm driving makes me rocket around wildly in my car like a crazy person.

I can't find the video online (if anyone can, I will be forever grateful.) So here is just the song:

I think that's enough for this post. The next post will probably be about Zebra Corn, which I love nearly as much as the things that I've listed in this post already. I also need to do an entry about the things that I hate, which include the laser show (WHY ARE THE LASERS GREEN? WHY???) and obnoxious Red Wings fans.

No hockey post today.

Today, instead of reading a long post about hockey, do this instead:

#1: Hug your loved ones.

#2: Donate if you can. http://www.redcross.org/

Thanks. Be safe out there.

History Will Be Made

I could watch these commercials all night.



Excellent commercials. But I've got to say, it hurts a little to not see any Kings jerseys.



Someday, Angelenos. History will be made. Someday.

There must be dust in the air or something because suddenly I am a little teary-eyed.

Our Captain

The Kings have an Undisputed series that features a different player every week or so (I think they're going to do a total of 8 episodes). It's kind of a highlight of my week - closing my office door during lunch, turning up my speakers, and focusing on hockey for 15 minutes without interruption.

This week featured Dustin Brown, the Captain of the LA Kings. (I'm only including that fact for my parents- I'm assuming that the other 5 readers of this blog know Dustin Brown.) I used to get stuck on the fact that he looks about 14 years old and seems like SUCH a nice guy. But after seeing him hand out those massive hits, I am a believer...and a big fan.

I must admit, I got chills near the end when he was talking about the Stanley Cup. It may not happen this season. (In fact, I'm slightly worried that we won't make the playoffs, and even more worried that we will and then my husband's stupid team will eliminate us in the first round.) But Brownie, I hope it happens soon. You're a good captain and you deserve to be the first LA King that hoists the Stanley Cup.

Confession Time: I Do Not Hate the Sharks

I should amend my earlier blog post to say that apparently there are three things a good Kings fan should do.

#1: Love the Kings

#2: Hate the Ducks

#3: Hate the Sharks

I'm not sure where #3 comes from exactly. Hating the Ducks I understand, for all of the reasons that I set forth in an earlier post. Plus, geographic proximity dictates that I hate the Ducks. The Ducks split the Southern California hockey fan base, which offends me. I just don't see how the Sharks do the same thing. Northern California and Southern California are night and day. They might as well be different states.

And I should know, because I grew up in Northern California, smack dab in the middle of SHARKS TERRITORY. In fact, if I had to choose a second favorite team, it would be the Sharks. (Sorry honey, I know you want me to say the Red Wings, but I'm still stinging from the 7-4 rout from earlier this month. Last night's game helped a little, but I just don't think I'll ever be a Red Wings fan.)

Allow me to paint you a picture. I grew up in Milpitas, a small town sandwiched between San Jose and Fremont. For me, San Jose and San Francisco were amazing centers of art and culture. My best friend and I were even lucky enough to dance in the San Jose Cleveland Ballet's production of the Nutcracker (don't be impressed, we were just cute little kids who ran around with the Sugarplum Fairy...but I still remember the dance to this day, so actually, I take it back, be impressed, we rocked that shit).

I distinctly recall going to the Shark Tank to see figure skating when I was in middle school. Anyway, I remember being blown away by the facilities there. And by "facilities," I mean bathrooms, because as any woman will tell you, the fabulousness of a place can safely be judged by the bathrooms. And let me tell you, there are miles of stalls at HP Pavilion. And the bathrooms are clearly marked by massive "W" or "M" signs. It's not weird to love a place because the bathrooms rock. Trust me, guys, if you had to sit down to pee, you'd start judging places by the cleanliness of the toilets.

Let me break it down for you. To this day, there is some awesome bar in Venice that I hope to return to someday simply to show my friends the bathroom door, which appears to be clear...and then suddenly FROSTS OVER when you lock it, thereby ensuring privacy. Uhm, AWESOME. A++.

In contrast, there is Cabo Cantina on Wilshire. The line is always a mile long. It passes right by the mens room so you are guaranteed to see guys peeing when you are in line. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING. In fact, the jealousy over not being able to pee standing up usually causes at least 3 to 5 women to wait until the men's room is clear, then go in there and barricade the door so that only women can pee while men stand outside and bitch and moan over having to wait in line to pee for the first time in their lives. Take a number, guys. It's a good thing that there are other reasons to go to Cabo because if it was a contest based on bathrooms alone, I would have gone there once and never gone back.

ANYWAY. Back to the Sharks.

Their facilities are great. Their players don't seem like total assholes. I remember hearing about their charity work when I was in high school. All of my guy friends in high school loved the Sharks.

And they have an awesome team name. Who doesn't love sharks? There is a reason that people get so excited for Shark Week. It's because Sharks are fucking awesome. They have been around forever - mostly in their current form - because they are obviously so highly evolved that there is nothing to improve upon! They can kill you in a second. But at the same time, this danger makes them beautiful. It's just one of those team names that I think works really well for hockey.

And then there is my love of NorCal generally. Yeah, I've been in SoCal for 12 years now. But my heart belongs in Milpitas, where I grew up. It was an AWESOME place to grow up. Everyone knew everyone. People were nice. Kids could safely walk to and from school in small groups. The rolling hills were gorgeous. Teachers actually cared about the kids. There was only one high school, and it was actually a pretty good public school. All of the teenagers had jobs at various stores throughout the town. The racial diversity was off the charts - which was one thing that my parents really focused on, because when they got married, they got some flack for creating "mixed race kids that would never fit in anywhere." Well, we fit in just fine in Milpitas. No one even looked twice. The economic diversity was also pretty impressive. And I don't ever remember anyone being teased or bullied for being rick, poor, black, white, mixed, or anything. Our football team was full of genuinely nice guys. Our track field was pretty pathetic but we made it work. It was a small town with all the benefits of close proximity to San Jose and San Francisco. All in all, it was a good place, full of good people, and I am proud to say that I grew up there.

So yeah. My fondness for the San Jose area and the Shark Tank really makes me like the Sharks. When they are not playing the Kings, I usually root for them. It helps that some of my friends from high school and college are big Sharks fans. BJ and Sean, this post is for you.

Bailey

I am obsessed with the Kings mascot, Bailey.

According to wikipedia, Bailey wears No. 72 in reference to the warm weather of Southern California. He is also named after Garnet "Ace" Bailey, a Stanley Cup winner and Kings hockey scout who was on Flight 175 when it crashed into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. (Sniffle.)

I'd like to say that I love the mascot Bailey because he is playful and fierce. He pours popcorn over fans of the visiting team, gets the crowd going, bangs on his drum, antagonizes the visiting players, poses for pictures with babies, and has an awesome 4-wheeler that he rides onto the ice when the Kings win.

But in reality, I think that I love him because even though I am 29 years old, I still love stuffed animals. And Bailey is basically a gigantic stuffed animal that loves the Kings. I know there is a real human underneath the lion costume - and that that real human is probably hot, sweaty, uncomfortable, and tired of hugging strangers - but that doesn't stop me. I love Bailey.

So it was with great excitement that I told my husband about Bailey's Valentine's Day delivery program. For a donation to the LA Kings Care Foundation, Bailey would visit your valentine at their home or office and present them with flowers, candy, a stuffed bear, a signed puck from their favorite player, and best of all...the chance to take pictures with him!

My husband took my "subtle" hint and arranged for Bailey to visit me at work. I was not having an awesome day. In fact, when Bailey arrived, I was stuck in a meeting and couldn't come to the lobby right away. By the time that I arrived, he'd pressed himself up against the glass of our firm's large conference room where all of the big partners were meeting. (It just made me love him more.)

And so he presented me with gifts. And hugs. And lion kisses. And we took many pictures. It was the highlight of my month. He really is a great big stuffed animal.

Thanks for making my Valentine's Day so special, Ollie. And Bailey. I will never forget it!

Husbands and wives, take note! Click on the link below; you can order a Bailey delivery for St. Patrick's Day! (Honey, don't order this...we need to save up for playoff tickets!)

https://www.formstack.com/forms/?563703-EcWKafNIKw

F*** the Ducks.

Apparently there are several things that a good Kings fan must do.

#1: Love the Kings.

#2: Hate the Ducks.

I didn't know that hating the Ducks was a "thing" for Kings fans until recently. Even without knowing this cardinal rule, I already disliked the Ducks for two reasons.

Reason #1: The Ducks are from Orange County

I really do not like certain things about OC. Yes, it is beautiful. Yes, it has some great art and dance programs. Yes, there are some pockets of cultural diversity. BUT, for the most part, when I think of OC, I think of rich white Republicans. I know that's not fair - in the same way that it is not fair to claim that everyone in LA is superficial and obsessed with stardom - but that is my perception of OC. It probably does not help that one of my prevailing memories of OC is protesting Sarah Palin's appearance there during the 2008 election and watching disgusting tan old white dudes parade their ridiculously young hot blonde trophy wives (who were all wearing the same thing - some sort of black cocktail dress and sky high Louboutin heels) into the arts center.

My disdain for OC is a little awkward because my parents moved there when I was in college. And I do truly enjoy visiting them. But the fact remains that my dad is the only Chinese person in their neighborhood. And when my mom canvassed for health care reform, (rich white) people slammed the door in her face after saying disgusting things like "I don't believe that there are people without health insurance" and "those people don't deserve healthcare." Talk about entitlement. Yuck.

Hell, even Stan Lee described the Anaheim Ducks "Guardian" as a "rebel with a trust fund." http://www.guardianproject30.com/bios.php.

Reason #2: The LA Times

LA has, for some unknown reason, two basketball teams. If you go to the LA Times sports page, http://www.latimes.com/sports/, you will see that the Clippers and the Lakers each have their own tab. So do the Dodgers and the Angels. But the Ducks and the Kings SHARE A TAB. And, as my friend so helpfully pointed out, a beat writer. How is that possible?! Why do two teams from the same town (Lakers and Clippers) each get their own tab, when the Kings have to share with the fucking Ducks, and the Ducks are not even FROM LOS ANGELES? It makes me angry. The Kings should have their own tab. It just goes to show how little respect hockey gets in Southern California.

And then about a month ago, my friend gave me Reason #3, also known as the Greatest Reason to Hate the Ducks Ever.

Reason #3: The Disney Movie

As a beginner Kings fan who knew basically nothing about the other teams, I did not realize that the Ducks came AFTER the Mighty Ducks movie. I ignorantly thought that the movie was inspired by an already-existing team, because there is no way that a professional hockey team could be created from a Disney movie starring Emilio Estevez. I admit, I actually saw the movie a long time ago. And I probably liked it...as a kid's movie. Not as a source for a professional hockey team! That is just RIDICULOUS.

My shock at discovering this fact - which my friend dropped on me like a bomb - was amplified by my already complicated feelings about Disney.

As a female born in 1981, I am supposed to love Disney. I grew up watching Beauty and the Beast and singing along with my sister. To this day, the line "Invaders! Encroachers! And they've got the mirror!" is stuck in my head on repeat. I know all the words to The Little Mermaid- hell, I can still strike a pretty good mermaid pose if I put my hair down and find the right beach rock.

And then came the Hunchback of Notre Dame. SIGH. I actually read the book in high school and it was one of the most tragic stories ever. I sobbed during the end when it is revealed (spoiler alert) that Quasimodo crawls into the tomb and dies holding Esmeralda's dead body, discovered years later as a hunchbacked skeleton wrapped around another skeleton whose neck is broken. Quasimodo's desperate loneliness (due mostly to his appearance) is, in my opinion, one of the most important things in the book.

So what does Disney do? They fundamentally change the story. They give Quasimodo gargoyle friends. (FYI, Gargoyles, an unrelated cartoon, is the most amazing cartoon ever- and not just because it features actors from Star Trek.) Both Esmeralda and Quasimodo live in the end. Quasimodo even accepts her love of another man, which sends the message that attractive people are supposed to end up together and ugly people have to just deal with it. Great job, Disney. I know that Disney usually changes fairy tales in order to make palatable movies, but this is not a fairy tale - it is a great work of literature! If they are going to change it so much, change the name of the story! Argh.

Anyway, Disney has been on my shit list ever since. And when I heard that the Ducks were created by Disney, that was it. The icing on the cake. The straw that broke the camel's back. I now refuse to even acknowledge that the Ducks are a hockey team. One of my co-workers told me that she used to have Ducks season tickets and I almost blacked out. She also asked me when the Ducks are playing next and I told her that I couldn't check because my computer won't go to the Ducks website.

So yeah. I hate the Ducks. It may not be for the same reason as other Kings fans, but I think that that is ok. If there is anything that sports has taught me over the past year, it is this: it doesn't matter why you hate the rival team, as long as you hate them.

As my husband would say, "you're a true Kings fan now, honey." Amen.

Swedish Twins? I Thought That was Just a Myth. Like Bigfoot.

I enjoyed most of the first two periods of the Canucks game on Saturday via AM 1150 while I ran errands. Luckily I got home in time to watch the end, including Daniel Sedin's cross-check and interference. I read somewhere that those penalties are not subject to video review, which strikes me as kind of dumb, because interference seems like a big deal (Exhibit A: the fact that Sedin scored three seconds later). So I can understand that Doughty and Quick were upset.

What I did not enjoy was Doughty acting like a petulant 10 year old right before the end of the game. Dude, I know you disagree with earlier call. But there is no need to completely ruin your credibility with the refs by acting like you were mortally wounded by an elbow. I just hate it when athletes play up their injuries. I know it is part of the game, and those penalties can make a big difference...but it makes you look like an immature pussy. (Particularly egregious are basketball players- they act like their legs need to be amputated but then spring up for free throws. It doesn't make me think you are strong and recover quickly...it makes me think you're a giant pussy who can't act.)

It doesn't help that I have a love-hate relationship with Doughty. I feel like he tries to show off (like on Saturday's game when he did little circles and stuff for no apparent reason - even the commentator was like "he's clearly embellishing here, quit wasting time"). I still think he's good. But sometimes I wonder if he's as good as he thinks he is.

Anyway, in honor of the Canucks win (cough *bribed the refs* cough), here is a commercial featuring the Sedin twins. I watched 3 hours of youtube hockey videos this weekend to familiarize myself with players from other teams, and this was one of my favorites.

How I Chose This Blog Name

So I wanted to name this blog "protect this house," because that popular sports phrase is tacked up on the "castle" facade outside of the LA Kings locker room. I'm pretty sure the castle is made of stryofoam because it looks fake as shit. In a town known for making great movie sets, the Kings couldn't come up with something more realistic? Even so, I get a kick out of watching the Kings emerge from the "castle" as they leave the locker room.

But I couldn't use "protect this house" because that name is already taken by some dude- it automatically redirects you to his blog: http://www.aaronpricengn.com/. So my goal was thwarted by a 9th grader who thinks he is a ninja (according to his blog).

So I chose "protect this throne" instead. Whatever. It's a blog name. I'll live with it.

Thursday's game against the Coyotes was a good one. I was pleased to hear the crowd cheering for Penner. Stoll, who I think looks like a cross between Clive Owen and Jake Gyllenhaal, did a great job. I'm amazed that his stick didn't break.

I think that Bernier also did a great job. I sometimes find myself wincing and bracing for disaster when he is on the ice. I feel like the Kings play much more defensively when he is in the net because they just don't want to take any chances. But on Thursday he was pretty good, especially in the third period.

If I can figure out how, I'll post two videos that show why I adore Rob Scuderi. I tried for ten minutes but I can't figure out how to post videos on this thing. Waah. Blogging is hard.

Welcome, Part 2 (aka The Day I Fell In Love with Rob Scuderi and Peter Harrold)

And so we bought the tickets to the BC Alumni Day with the LA Kings.

At the time my hockey exposure was limited to having dated a guy in college who played in-line hockey in San Diego. He was also a Red Wings fan (jeez, why do I always end up with these guys) so I'd watched a few Stanley Cup play-off games with him. I knew exactly one thing about hockey: the goalies wear what I assume are the equivalent of those fat suits that people wear to pretend they are sumo wrestling. And yet, the goalies are fast as shit and expected to block everything.

Game day came. I distinctly recall walking into the Staples Center and through the curtains that separate the seats from the outer concourse for my very first live hockey game. The blast of cold air hit my face. I felt the excitement of the people sitting around me. And I felt the stirrings of what would later become a full-fledged love for the LA Kings.

(I should note that now, this moment in every live game - when I walk through the curtains and take that first deep breath of cold air - is one of my all time favorite moments of the game. Just thinking about it give me chills.)

It was a good game (Kings v. Bruins). It went into a shoot-out. I had a total blast. I was hooked. I was slightly shell-shocked from adrenaline after the game ended. But the best part was still to come.

After the game we went to the BC Alumni reception. Everyone was standing around getting food and drinks. My husband and I were the only people sitting down. And then the magic happened. Two freshly showered, extremely tall, very handsome men in suits came through the patio doors, stood there uncertainly for a moment, looked at each other, and then came over directly to our table. I was so star-struck at being in the presence of actual LA Kings that I immediately went into "shy" mode (which hardly ever happens). I could barely squeak out one-word answers when they asked if we enjoyed the game. I think that my nervousness and general ignorance was so evident that they actually introduced themselves when we shook hands- Rob Scuderi and Peter Harrold. They sat and talked to us for awhile before moving on to other people. I was frozen with awe.

Luckily my husband was cool as a cucumber. He made me come with him when he approached them again later during the reception to talk more about how they liked playing for LA. They also signed his jersey. They were obscenely nice and spent a long time talking to all the BC alums. I just couldn't believe that these two rough hockey players were such nice guys.

And then we left. I stumbled away from the Staples Center in a daze. I couldn't believe my awesome day. I felt like I'd been hit with a sledgehammer. I was 100%, completely, utterly in love with the LA Kings. I felt like I could have run 100 miles from sheer excitement. I grabbed my husband's arm. "When can we go to another game?" I asked eagerly.

He laughed. "I knew you'd have fun."

So, thank you, Rob Scuderi and Peter Harrold. I had a lot of fun at the game, and would most definitely have become a Kings fan anyway. But you two just completely solidified my absolute LOVE for the LA Kings as people, not just hockey players.

And thank you, Ollie, for insisting that we go to the game. You were right. I had fun.

Welcome.

Welcome to Protect This Throne, where I - a novice hockey fan - will record my burgeoning love affair with hockey and, more specifically, the Los Angeles Kings.

My love affair began in December 2009, when my husband, a longtime Red Wings fan (this deserves a whole post later) and Boston College alum emailed me about BC Alumni Day with the LA Kings. (Note: I will not be typing Los Angeles Kings or even L.A. Kings because that takes too long.) His email was 1 line long: "Can we go to this?!?!?! Pleeeeease?!"

I should explain that prior to meeting my husband, I was pretty set in my ways and did not enjoy trying new things. I was correspondingly ignorant about pop culture. I only watched a handful of TV shows. I only read chick lit and historical fiction. I thought that violent video games might actually have something to do with violence in teenagers.

And then I meet Ollie. In addition to just being an all around awesome guy, he opened my already-nerdy world up to previously unknown levels of nerd-dom. I'm talking San Diego Comic-Con, Dr. Who, Dungeons & Dragons, Left 4 Dead and Halo- experiences that I never would have sought without him. And I loved them all- and not just because he loved them. In my own right, I actually began to enjoy these things.

So when he suggested going to see a live hockey game, I thought, "Why not. I might even have fun." Little did he know, he had just created a monster...