It's a Question of When

The best professional advice that anyone ever gave me was "it's not a question of IF you'll screw up...it's a question of WHEN."

It was important for me to learn that perfection - even professionally - is simply not a normal state of being. No one can be perfect all the time. The Kings were perfect for the past 3 games. But tonight they failed. And that's normal, because it wasn't a question of IF they would lose a game, it was a question of WHEN. Now they just need to put the game behind them and move on.

The bad:

Almost all of it. Our power play was a joke. With the exception of some moments of competence, pretty much everyone looked dazed out there.

The good:

Kovalchuk didn't score a goal. Bernier didn't have a total meltdown in the third period.

The unlucky:

Bernier. Oh, Bernier. I hope he isn't feeling completely terrible right now.

I'm not sure that playing Quick would have resulted in a different outcome, unless the entire locker room toasted Bernier's home debut with pre-game cups full of roofies. The first goal was unlucky. The second was unfortunate. The third...maybe he could have done something about, but maybe not.

The confusing:

Can someone please explain to me why goalie interference is not reviewable? They said that the review of the first allowed goal ultimately happened to determine whether he swatted it in with his hand. But it seems like goalie interference should definitely be reviewable. Close calls on goalie interference don't seem to happen all that often (I can think of two times since the start of last season, though admittedly I did not watch every game) so really how much time would be wasted if they reviewed those close calls, especially if the result was a goal?

Sigh.

To help cleanse your memories of tonight's debacle, feel free to watch this video of Jack Johnson being downright adorable.

Alright, Kings fans. We had a bad night. But we'll be better on Thursday- good enough to show the world that we are in fact Stanley Cup contenders. Because just remember- it's not a question of IF we'll win the Cup. It's a question of WHEN.

Stars @ Kings: Recap

So I got 3 hours of sleep last night. Be prepared for a long and winding recap full of random thoughts. If you're reading this, you probably watched the game and know that Quick is a monster who got his third consecutive shut-out, 17th career shut-out, 101st win. Since we were lucky enough to be there live, I'm going to focus on the things that you don't really get to see from a television broadcast- like the atmosphere of the arena, fans dancing, fights that start off camera away from the puck, etc.

We went to the Yardhouse before the game. I had the best grilled cheese sandwich I've ever had, and my new favorite drink: champagne and chambord. By the time that we walked over to Staples, I was pretty tipsy. Ollie had to stop me from buying half the Team LA store. They now have the Doughty gray women's t-shirt in stock, $33.34!

Since we were in the 100s and closer than we usually sit (so it was cold), we sprang for some hot chocolate and settled in to watch the warm-ups. But first we got to sit through the standard set of Staples Center announcements, including:

(1) The world's most complicated evacuation plan. "If you're in Sections 201 through 206, proceed down the stairs, then turn left or right, then exist the building, then turn left or right again, then proceed across the street, then across another street, and then gather in this area that is clearly way too small to hold 18,118 hysterical fans." The whole "turn left or right" thing always cracks me up. Which is it? Left, or right? I can't be making these decisions in the confusion of an evacuation! Just tell me which way to go!

(2) Admonishments not to record any of the game. Also something about 35mm film. I'm not even kidding.

(3) Reminders that the pucks could fly over the glass.

(4) Outrageous statements like "Stadium Jerky is the New Healthy Snack of Stadium Fans Everywhere!" Really? Healthy?

I thought about going down to the glass, but I decided against it since I was actually not too sure I could walk in a straight line. Westie and Richards flanked the doors and gave high-fives as the team took the ice looking sharp in blue jerseys. Penner and Richards were very smiley during warm-ups. The camera guys did a good job featuring the LAPD Foundation patches that were sewn onto the jerseys. I thought about how Emmy hosts change outfits during the show and wondered if thats how the Kings feel when they warm up in one jersey and play in another.

Ahhh, Richards. Makes me want to buy a Kings Richards t-shirt.

I like him more and more every game. Plus, he's fucking adorable.

I think that the Kings warm up to the same songs every game. The people in the 300s loved Moves like Jagger (Am I the only one who did not know this was Maroon 5? What happened to them?) and there was a lot of dancing and butt-wiggling. Is it just an LA thing, or do other fans pretend to be strippers when the camera put them on the Jumbotron? The kids in the front loved that Afrojack song, Take Over Control, which I (literally) cannot hear without thinking about the Kings warming up. The camera guys suddenly became very intent upon showing us the Kings doing random things like fixing their skate laces, examining their stick tape, adjusting their junk (in the camera guy's defense, he probably didn't think that Mitchell would just do that in the middle of the ice).

The Stars do mostly the same warm-ups that the Kings do, except there was an entire minute-long period where Grossman did ballet grand plies while skating across the ice. It looked very, very strange. I don't think I'e ever seen anyone do that before.

I watched to see who would stay out the longest. Last season it was Smyth, but now that he's gone I was curious to see who would take those last few superstitious shots at the net. I believe that the last six, in order of departure, were Brown, Lewis, Kopitar, Mitchell, then Richardson and Westie.

I got back up and wandered around the concourse for a few minutes thinking about Zebra Corn. I saw a lot more Richards jerseys than last time. When I returned to my seat, I noted that the Zamboni driver's jersey says "Zam Man." The intro started, complete with green lasers. They didn't play the "last year in the playoffs" thing but they did play the new improved intro (so much better than the stupid concrete soldier intro from last season). I have concluded that it is TOTALLY Jeremiah's hot wife Kelly in the intro video. Gorgeous hair, Kelly!

The starting line-up was Moreau, Stoll, and Richardson (or, as I like to call them, the handsomest line) along with Scuderi and Johnson (is there anything those two d-men can't do together?!). The flag was presented by the LAPD color guard, and then an LAPD officer sang the National Anthem. It was beautiful. Not super diva-esque but much more slow and melodious. She did a great job. (There is nothing I hate more than the moments during the National Anthem where you are concerned about the person hitting the hard notes. I was not worried with her). Then (insert Skynet joke here), Andros, the LAPD bomb-detecting robot, dropped the puck. And then Cartman, dressed in Kings black, got the crowd going as the puck officially dropped to start the first period.

That first period was pretty good. Greene almost drew a really stupid penalty (surprise surprise) and Martinez got hit very hard but popped up again. I don't know if it is because we were sitting closer than usual so we could hear everything better, but I felt like every few seconds someone slammed into the boards (either with a hit, or an attempted hit that failed to connect- the Stars kept trying to get Scuderi but he kept slipping past). People started filling in the seats (except those premium purple seats...those sections always seem to have open seats). Lewis had a great save on a puck that bounced over Quick and Voynov had a great shift.

And then, history was made: we witnessed Richards' first fight as an LA Kings. I actually felt honored. Richards fought Ott (who looked bigger than Richards, but who is apparently an inch taller and a few pounds lighter?) to what hockeyfights.com has deemed a draw, but to be honest, Richards didn't do that well. But as fights go, it served its purpose well- people got fired up and both teams seemed to blink away some cobwebs. Good job, Richards.

I was pretty sure there would be another fight with 1 minute left to go. One of the Stars fell on Penner's stick and Penner got caught and basically fell on top of him. Kopitar's pass was intercepted by a Star and Kopi skated back to the bench shaking his head and looking really dejected. Then the period ended with no score.

During the break they showed the scores from the other games. The Red Wings loss got a huge response from the crowd. Sorry, honey.

Coming back into the second period, the new audio/visual system had some problems getting started but they eventually got it going. (As an aside, is there any greater sound than the bells chiming once to signify the 1st period, twice for 2nd, and so on. I fucking love those bells.)

Things really started picking up. Gagne got a TOTAL BULLSHIT PENALTY for goalie interference- he was pushed on top of Raycroft- and the crowd went INSANE. I've seriously never heard such loud booing and jeering. A good, long "ref you suck" cheer reverberated through the building, and from there on out, every single Kings fan was officially fired the fuck up. In fact, I think the penalty may have even worked in our favor because we killed it and it got people on their feet. The crowd stood up every time the puck came anywhere close to the Stars net. There was a gorgeous hit by Greene that caused even more cheers. Shortly thereafter I was convinced there would be another fight because Ribiero skated off holding the end of Westie's stick and at the same time on the other side of the ice, Clifford was having words with Morrow. It would have been great to see Clifford and Westgarth just drop their gloves at the same time. But cooler heads prevailed.

The Flex Cam came up and started with some adorable kids. Then, as in the last game, things went downhill when it showed this entire suite of ripped and tan dudes who proceeded to lift up their shirts, take off their clothes, and shove each other around. After that every kid that they showed did the same thing- ugh, kids, don't be like those guys! No one likes those guys! We're laughing AT them, not WITH them!

The next two minutes were basically full of profanity (coming out of my mouth). My buzz was wearing off and I felt strongly that Penner was not even trying. I swear to god he wasn't even looking at the puck. Argh! but then, in true Penner fashion, he had a moment of competence with good hit and a good pass before finishing his shift. (But could he get back to the bench any fucking slower?) When the puck was down in the Stars zone at the other end of the ice, Gagne full on pushed one of the Stars face first into the ice, but thankfully the refs totally did not see it, because I don't know that we could have killed another penalty just then.

Then the Kings Entertainment played "worst Halloween costume." I tried to write down what people said, but I don't know that I got it all. Bernier dressed up as a clown when he was 15 but people thought he was too old and wouldn't give him candy. Scuderi dressed up like Barbie (I would pay to see that picture). Westgarth was a My Little Pony (hilarious). JMFJ was Tigger (to supervise his younger brother, who was Pooh)- I would love to see that. And Richardson admitted with glee that he dressed up like a girl several times. He wasn't embarrassed about it at all- I half expect him to whip out some pictures.

With five minutes left in the second period, Voynov did a great job stopping the puck and had a good pass to Kopitar, who was totally not prepared to receive it. Kopi actually looked exhausted. At 4:28 Richardson had a serious hit and started a scrum- even Scuderi jumped in.

That's right, bitch. Bow down. Don't MAKE me get my stilettos out.

And then it was time for Bring it Like Bob. After how it went in the last game, I didn't expect it again. There are few guarantees in life, but one of them is that if you give a microphone to a fired up sports fan who has had a few drinks, he WILL go off script. The first guy said "and Brown scores...and the Kings win the Stanley Cuuuuup!" and the crowd cheered. The second guy said "and Brown scores, and DALLAS SUCKS BAAAAALLLLLLLLSSSSS!!!!" and the crowd went crazy. The second guy won. It was pretty hilarious. You'd think that the Kings entertainment people would learn. Or, they don't care, which makes it even funnier. I guess we'll see if they do it at the next game we go to (Oilers!).

With three minutes left, the Kings had some good charges down the ice and shots on goal. Gagne passed to Kopi and once again Kopi was not prepared. Richardson also missed bigtime- he was upset, but not as upset as Gagne (who cursed and slammed his stick against the ice). I found myself screaming profanities with every close shot- in other words, continuously for about 2 minutes. Scuderi had a good block, and then the period ended.

He is looking SO HARD for his first goal of the season.

I feel like he should get an A for effort.

(and look at the angle of his skates- speed demon)

As an aside, the music guys are really on it. They pick songs that are on point. Example: when talking about the ice girls (obligatory shot of slow motion boobs running down a beach), they played "Girls" by Beastie Boys. They did not however play Hava Nagila which was too bad because I swear one day I NEED to see the boys dance the hora to celebrate a goal.

During the second period break there was Sumo hockey. It was both painful and funny to watch. The people playing weighed so much in the suits that if they went down, not even two ice girls could pick them up- and it looks impossible to get up by yourself. Bailey started a fight that took out 3 of the 4 players. The cameras also showed the crowd dancing, which was great until they went back to that suite of dudes, who immediately began taking their clothes off again and punching each other in the nipples...and feeding each other. Strange combination.

The third period started with 10 minutes of stomach churning agony while Quick was peppered with shots and the Kings fought to clear the puck. I was no longer the only one wondering aloud "what the fuck is going on" and "is this a joke?" At the 10 minute mark there was figurative pants shitting down at our end where Quick was in goal- thank god he was amazing. Richardson and Kopitar looked...not so great. Though, at least Richardson was awake. Penner looked inconsistent as always. I think he had maybe two good shifts.

Murray showing some emotion.

I would not have believed it if not for Getty Images (all photo credits go to them).

And then, THANK THE LORD, Jack BAMF Johnson scored (and Scuderi got an assist)! The crowd lost their shit. I fucking LOVE the goal song (well, I don't love it as a song so much as I love knowing that we just scored). "Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey!"

The rest of the game was high pressure but kind of scattered. They pulled Raycroft pretty early but it didn't matter because we couldn't even score on an empty net. At the 3 minute mark I'm pretty sure we had like 8 guys on the ice during a very confusing line change. And then the buzzer sounded, and the arena erupted again. Almost everyone stayed until the end of the game, and most people stayed even after to hear Quick's interview. I actually couldn't even hear his most of his interview because everyone was still screaming for him (myself included).

Are you going to kiss me? Doughty always kisses me.

Overall, really physical and intense game. Thank god we won. I don't know that the Stars "outplayed" the Kings, as Raycroft alleged (I can't find the article now- but I did read that quote somewhere) because if they had, they would have won, BUT THEY DIDN'T!

The only bad part of the experience was walking back to the car and seeing some asshole in a Ducks Perry jersey. Really, dude? Don't come to our house and wear something that isn't even one of the teams playing. And that is for the Ducks. And that is for Corey Perry. Uuuugh. (Though, as much as I disliked seeing that, I wish that the Kings fan next to us had not thrown an open soda can at him, because it got all over the Kings fans around him, including me. Have some restraint. Taunting is fine but let's not get a reputation for stupidity.)

Two last thoughts.

First- Penner. He is inconsistent as a player but takes some hilarious pictures.

Holy shit? How did I end up so close to the goalie and so far from the bench?

(Is he kissing his shoulder?)

Raycroft: Your balls...they're HUGE!

Penner: It's not because I'm a good player. It's because I'm a GIANT.

Second- I just read that TM is going to play Bernier instead of Quick on Tuesday. Uh, really? I guess maybe to rest Quick? But, question: if Bernier lets one in, it doesn't affect Quick's record, right? It better not. Can Quick come back and get a 4th "consecutive" shutout? I'd hate for an historical streak to end because of a coach's decision.

Right now, we're 2nd in the division, 4th in the conference (bullshit- we should be third), 5th in the league...and I'M LOVING IT.

GO KINGS!

Sometimes, You Just Like It Dirty

I like hockey for a lot of reasons. Chief among those reason- because it's sexy.

Before your Puck Bunny Alarm starts going off, just hear me out for a second. A puck bunny likes hockey because the players are sexy. And don't get me wrong, some of them are.

Drewiske. I may not love him on the ice, but I wouldn't mind loving him off the ice.

This picture makes me understand why some women like Drew Doughty.

Patrick Sharp's eyes say "Yeah. I'm fucking hot."

And those pictures aren't even shirtless!

But while the players may be easy on the eyes, what I find TRULY hot is what they do on the ice. Because to me, nothing is sexier than a really great goal.

Case in point: today my husband sent me this link on the 7 Players that Puck Daddy would pay to watch in a shoot-out (I'm putting some of the videos below, but you should really check out the entire article- it's great).

It's basically hockey porn. And after watching each video in great detail, I decided that I don't need a romantic dinner and foreplay. I just need to watch goals like these over...and over...and over again.

As with any intimate encounter, sometimes, you just like it nice and clean. Simple. Straightforward.

Jarrett Stoll is the missionary of the shoot-out.

Sometimes you need a little creativity and patience.

Just get it in there, however you can.

Sometimes, you need two guys to get it in.

Whole new meaning to "getting an assist."

Sometimes you can only finish with a wraparound. On your knees.

Whatever works. No judgment.

Sometimes it ends in embarrassment for the other person. It's not always supposed to be dignified. It's ok. It happens.

It never happens to me, though.

Sometimes you need it to be just a little dirty and unexpected.

Dirty as in "fucking awesome."

Short guys always have the fanciest moves.

Or very dirty.

"Behind the back" is the new "reverse cowgirl."

And sometimes, you want it downright filthy.

It's better when you never saw it coming.

So, men, next time, don't bother buying roses or making a nice home made dinner. Just sit your lady down and cue up these videos. If she's really a hockey fan, you're golden.

Home Opener: Recap

What an awesome game. 5-0. Everyone played well; a few were outstanding (Gagne, Kopitar, Moreau). Quick was awesome and got the 15th shut-out of his career. And I took copious notes, so hunker down for a long entry.

We arrived at Staples in time to watch the warm-ups. Two pucks were hit over the glass right next to us. The guy in front of me got one, and then when the second one fell, the people around me said I could have it, but it had rolled under the stairs and I couldn't find it. So, the guy who caught the first puck fished around under the stairs (super gross) and retrieved it for me! Thanks, anonymous dude!

Penner doesn't look gigantic because he's standing closer to the camera.

It's because he is literally a giant. And he's BENDING OVER in this picture.

I love watching warm-ups. It's like a carefully choreographed dance.

To be honest, Voynov looked a little out of place, almost as if he could hear the three people next to me going "wait...who is that guy?"

Uh, guys? What am I supposed to do during warm-ups?

Then it was time for the big entrance. They showed a recap of Game 6 from the playoffs (painful to watch) and then a string of quotes from the players and media about how the Kings would have a big year. They introduced the equipment guys and coaching staff. Kompon got cheers and some boos, and Murray actually showed emotion- I know, I almost fainted from shock. They also showed the players who were healthy scratches, who were standing at the bench looking mighty fine in suits- Doughty, Westgarth, Parse (who is significantly shorter than Westie, or maybe Westie was standing a level up), and Drewiske (DAMN that is one good looking man). Then each dressed player skated through the LED arch to applause and cheers.

The introductions taught me two very important things: Hunter is a gigantic dude who looks like a WWE wrestler, and Clifford is capable of stopping on a dime (he had to, or else he would have bowled into the guy next to him). Richards got big applause. When Kopitar came out, the entire arena went insane, as if to say "Welcome back, Kopitar. We really fucking missed you."

Then, the moment I have been waiting for since last April. "Ladies and Gentlemen...yooouuuuuur....Loooooooos Annnnnnngeles....KINGS!!!"

Then, the Hero of the Game, who is leaving for a tour of Afghanistan in a few weeks. At the risk of sounding super corny, this always leaves me a little choked up. At some point this person may make the ultimate sacrifice for our country, and the least we can all do is stand and applaud him or her. I do not always support the way that the military is used, but I respect the people in our military and hate to see any of them lost. (By the way, if you can handle reading this extremely sad but interesting story about military losses, you really should. But have tissue ready.)

And then, the National Anthem. And it wasn't Davis Gaines! Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike Gaines. I just feel like this town is known for talent, and it's ridiculous to use the same person more than once or twice a season. I can't remember the name of the woman who sang, but it was beautiful. By the end of the song, the crowd was stomping and cheering. Great energy.

And then the game started. The first five minutes did not seem smooth for either team. Richards and Brown looked a little directionless, but thankfully the Blues were not much better. At one point Richards (literally) ended up on his ass. Our first period Power Play left me discouraged and pessimistic- we couldn't even keep the puck on the right end of the ice! No one's passes seemed to be connecting, and there was a cringe-worthy 90 seconds where I'm pretty sure that at least three different Kings tried to shoot or clear the puck and ended up hitting a surprised teammate in the back or side. Brown got roughed up on his way to the bench but none of the refs saw, even though thousands of fans were screaming in outrage.

And then Gagne scored, and the entire arena let out a sign of relief.

...and as part of the goal celebration, the new Jumbotron (which, by the way, is extremely sharp) showed clips of TV and movie dances in between shots of the crowd dancing. The first clip they chose was this:

Well played, LA Kings In Game Entertainment. Well played.

We almost got a second goal that period that I swear bounced off the inside of the net- even Halak thought it went in. Penner also had a pretty good hit (or, well, given his size, it wasn't so much a targeted hit as a "I'm going to stop my forward momentum using your body, and I happen to outweigh you significantly, oh look you fell down.") Moreau and Lewis seemed to be everywhere- in a good way- and Richardson skated his ass off. I want to buy him a t-shirt that says "I may be small, but I'm quick." (In retrospect, no man would EVER want to wear that t-shirt. Ever.)

During the break, the kid behind us got to ride the Zamboni. I was very jealous.

The second period started. Clifford had a great hustle to the net but couldn't score. Penner started really moving. Voynov looked alright but made one bone-headed move where he tried to poke the puck away but it bounced towards Quick and over Quick's glove. We had another terrible power play, with the exception of JMFJ, who looked good. He ended up getting a penalty when a Blues player fell on his stick (bulllllshit).

Then there was a break while the ice girls came out. I don't really have many thoughts on the ice girls, other than that it seems really unfair to make them wear midriff bearing shirts on the ice. I mean, they must get really cold. I'd hate that job. I've managed to go through life avoiding jobs that would require me to expose my stomach, and I'd like to keep it that way. (And, guys are pretty creepy to them. Ollie passed the calendar booth and some dude was eyeing one of the ice girls and saying things like "you're new, right?" Blech.)

Anyway, ice girls aside, this break gave the Kings Entertainment people the chance to air a "This or That" segment featuring Matt Greene. When asked "iPhone or Blackberry" he sheepishly admitted to having a Blackberry. When asked "Khloe or Kim Kardashian" he said "Snooki" and when asked "Jonas Brothers or Bieber" he just grimaced and said "I can't." I can't help but love that guy, even though I think he gets stupid penalties (like the one shortly after his "This or That" segment where he pushed a Blues player into the referee's face and pinned the ref against the boards).

Stoll scored and they played the Elaine dance from Seinfeld. Johnson and Scuderi had two absolutely amazing shifts. (It was around this time that I realized how sexy it is when men skate backwards. This must be why I like defensemen so much.)

Brown got punched in the face but declined to drop his gloves against Chris Stewart, we got a PP, and Brown scored. They played the dance from Ferris Bueller. (I'm embedding this, so that my husband will be happy, because Cameron is wearing a Red Wings jersey. Oh my god, I just found our couple's Halloween costume! Now we only need a Ferris!!)

During the subsequent break, the Kings Entertainment people debuted another new segment, "Bring It Like Bob." The idea was to play a segment of Brown scoring with Bob Miller's commentary, and then to play it again without any audio while two Kings fans tried to copy Bob's commentary. Well, it did not go as planned. Contestant #1 did an excellent commentary that finished with "and SHIT, he scored!" that left everyone in knots, including the guy who was in charge of the competition. Contestant #2 did a mediocre commentary that ended with him screaming "DUCKS SUCK" into the microphone while the Kings guy tried to get it back. I think this may be the first and last time they do "Bring It Like Bob."

The second period continued with Richardson failing to score on a mini breakaway (he skated back to the bench shaking his head and looked really sad, but Richards patted him on the head and told him it was ok). There was also some tussling during the last minute where Richardson got punched in the face. (Maybe I'll make him a shirt that says "I got punched in the face during the McFlurry Minute and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.")

The second period break was fine, EXCEPT that they did not play the "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" song at the end of it! WTF! They had a different video that was pretty good, but nothing is better than that song! They also sounded the goal horn when the players came back onto the ice, which I thought was a little strange. I don't remember them doing it last season.

The third period started. Kopitar scored, and the crowd went wild. Penner continued to hustle. If his knee was hurting, it didn't show. Then Kopitar made an insanely beautiful pass and Gagne scored. I had jizzy flashbacks to last season, when Kopitar lofted the puck down the ice to Brown and we scored against the Sharks.

With 10 minutes left, it was clear that the Kings had two new goals: get Gagne a hat trick, and get Quick a shut-out. The kid behind me was extremely concerned about the latter and worriedly asked his dad if the goal that was waved off would prevent Quick from getting credit for a shut-out. I ended up talking to the kid (he was freaking adorable- maybe 6 years old) and learned that he would like to be an NHL player someday. I'll keep my eye out for you, kid.

During one of the breaks, the Kings Entertainment did a Gold's Gym Flex Cam. The first guy did fine. Then the camera found two shirtless guys who were legitimately ripped, but who treated the camera like a stripper audition. And every person thereafter seemed to feel that they should do the same. They showed four different kids who did their best impression of the Swayze/Farley dance, including showing their bellies and rubbing them- not ok, kids!

Shortly thereafter, they did another in-game break sponsored by Hooters. When this came up on the Jumbotron and the announcer said "show us your..." I was very worried he'd end the sentence with the word "hooters." But he said "dance moves" instead. Whew.

At one point the organist played Hava Nagila and I realized that I would pay probably $1,000 to see the Kings celebrate a goal by dancing the hora and putting the goal scorer up on a chair. Best goal celebration ever.

The last 10 minutes of the game were great. Gagne had some beautiful shots - just gorgeous. Richards looked sharp and became downright agile in front of the net. Voynov looked more comfortable and had two good plays. Brown controlled the puck though three Blues players and left them confounded. Moreau continued to be everywhere at the same time. Hunter also looked good. Bailey dressed up like a fat lady and sang opera. People started leaving (I hate it when people leave early. Traffic isn't THAT bad if you stay.) But those that remained spent the entire last minute standing, stomping, cheering, clapping, and generally carrying on in celebration of our 5-0 win against the Blues, and the official end of the Blues winning streak against the Kings. I hope the players heard the crowd, because we were positively elated. The "Go Kings Go" cheer was jubilant and lasted even after the buzzer sounded.

I could not have asked for a better home opener. We happened to get tickets to this Saturday's game (long story, but it is the only thing preventing me from strangling our ticket rep) so I'll see you there!

Home Opener, Part 2 (and Lady Bloggers)

I'm really excited about tonight. According to the Kings website, I can look forward to the following activities.

(1) Players will "walk the black carpet" and greet fans between 4 - 5 p.m. at the SW VIP entrance.

I always feel a little foolish gawking at famous people...but I wish we could get there early enough to do this and take some good pictures.

(2) Fanfest from 5 - 7:30 p.m., including music, beer garden, Pizza Hut pizza eating contest.

They had something similar during the playoffs. As Jean Ralphio would say, like his pre-owned Acura Legend, it was "alright." (Watch the Parks & Rec gag reel, starting around 7:30). We didn't go into the beer garden because it was packed, so instead we ate some questionable burgers from the burger and hot dog stand and listened to people yell about how much they hate Mark Purdy (which, btw, is my sixth favorite thing to do, after playing video games, visiting Civil War battlefields, hanging with my loved ones, watching hockey, and eating chocolate).

(3) Warm-ups at 7:00.

I love watching warm-ups. We try to get there early enough to watch from our seats. The first time we went down to the glass was during the playoffs when I made stupid signs and held them up against the glass like a teenager at a BSB concert (Note: I Want It That Way is the best karaoke song of all time.) It is loud, cold, and extremely exciting. I'll be there, 7pm, behind the Kings goal.

(4) "Each player will be introduced thru [sic] an LED tunnel."

Uh...what? Do they mean this?

Come on, Kings. We live in the land of movie sets! There are professionals here who can make LA look like NYC! Surely you can do better than an LED tunnel. Or the weird bright red castle. Yeah, I'll still be super pumped when those castle doors fly open, but I think the pre-show can be a little better. Maybe this year it will be amazing. I guess we'll see tonight!

(5) The brand new $3.4 million audio system!

Oh yay, now I can hear the same songs over and over again at every game. Not to be a super super downer here, but I could really do without the Briggs. Give me some good old rock and roll and images of the Kings playing, and I'll be happy. I appreciate their enthusiasm but maybe don't have them open every single game? Same for Davis Gaines. A+ for enthusiasm. F- for variety.

(6) The first issue of Royal Reign, the Official Team Magazine, featuring stories on Richards, Gagne, and Lewis.

I hope they ask Lewis how it was to go on the Kings Cruise all by himself without Doughty. I also hope they have a huge poster of Richards folded into the magazine (like they used to do in Tiger Beat...oh god I'm so embarrassed that I know that) so I can hang it up on my wall and kiss it every night. (I just tried to find that kind of scary commercial that played incessantly during the playoffs of the life-sized posters/decals of hockey players hanging on the walls of various children's bedrooms. Couldn't find it.)

See you tonight, Kings fans. I can't freaking wait!

EDIT: While I'm here, I need to give some shout-outs to the lady bloggers. There are not enough female hockey bloggers out there. If I could, I'd welcome every single one of them. For now, I'm hitting the highlights. And if you know of other lady bloggers, let me know!

I found this blog yesterday and I freaking LOVE IT. They have three writers; two are longtime fans and one is a newbie like me! Please check it out. I wish I'd found them earlier!

http://kingshockeyforwomen.wordpress.com/

While you're in the mood to read awesome blogs, check out Laurie as well. She is hilarious and loves goalies as much as I do. Maybe even more. I cannot read her blogs without laughing out loud.

http://themeaningoflifeishockey.blogspot.com/

Finally, I'd be remiss not to mention http://wavingbackatgretzky.blogspot.com/. A longtime Kings fan and clearly an expert in all things Kings-related.

Home Opener

The good news is that THE REAL HOME OPENER IS TOMORROW NIGHT and I (literally) could not be more excited. I can't wait.

The bad news is that Doughty and Penner are currently both injured. (Doughty definitely, Penner enough to leave practice 1/3 of the way through to go to the doctor). I'm hoping that Penner can play very soon because I want to see how much leaner and faster he is (feel free to end this sentence with either laughing or crying, depending on your opinion of Penner).

But you know what, fuck the bad news (or, as Paul Rudd would say, fuck the lemons). Injuries heal. They'll be on the ice before we know it. (They better be. We're paying them a shitload of money.)

Hopefully Penner isn't actually injured that badly. I mean, come on. Rinaldo probably feels pretty great about himself right now. "Hey guys, I took out Doughty AND Penner! Or, well, I guess, Penner actually injured himself falling down during our fight. Hahahaha what a pussy." If Penner's injury isn't bad, maybe he should take a page from the Barney Stinson school and stop being hurt and start being awesome. True story.

So what do you think will happen tomorrow night? On defense, I feel like Jack "My Friend" Johnson and Rob "Mr. Reliable" Scuderi will continue to be great. (And JJ will continue to prove Lombardi wrong.) On offense...at the risk of sounding obscenely obvious, we need to fucking shoot more often. And score.

Let's do this thing. At this time tomorrow I'll be on my way to Staples and I can't f*cking wait!

I did 1 whole thing on my to do list! I'm an adult and stuff.

In preparation for the hockey season, I'm getting my shit together.

Goal #1: Get a logo

Status: Completed

Who would have thought that a Red Wings fan (my husband) and a Flyers fan (Pete, house-sitter extraordinaire) would be the ones to deliver the perfect LA Kings logo? Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it.

Goal #2: Start posting more regularly once the season starts.

Status: In progress. Crazy shit has been happening, but this is a hockey blog and not a "crazy shit" blog so from here on out, no more excuses. Hockey all the way.

Goal #3: Get the pictures off my phone and do a post on HockeyFest and a post on training camp.

Status: Better late than never, right? According to something I read when I was planning my wedding, people have a year to get someone a wedding gift after a wedding (that seems like a really long time) so I'm giving myself a year to post those blogs. I seriously hope it doesn't take me that long. Each post will involve a bunch of pictures and videos, which is why I've been too lazy to post them.

Goal #4: Win the Stanley Cup.

Status: If only wishing made it so. I think we can do it, I really do.

Sean Avery

Now seems like as good a time as any to do a Sean Avery post. The Rangers placed him on waivers and it seems like everyone is wondering what NHL team (if any) might want him.

In law school, there are a few different types of people. The most classic example of a law school personality is the gunner. A gunner raises his hand compulsively, usually to show off how smart he (thinks he) is in relation to those around him. Whenever his hand shoots up, eyes roll and heavy sighs can be heard throughout the rest of the classroom. Sometimes professors even got tired of gunners and would look around, vainly ignoring the flapping hands of the gunners, saying "anyone...anyone else?" (If you really need a popular culture tie-in, think Hermione but only from Book 1, before she learns to be friends with people.) In other words, no one likes a gunner.

...usually. I liked them for two reasons. First, they deflected attention (or rather, grabbed it greedily) in class while I slumped behind my keyboard trying to become invisible whenever a professor looked in my direction. Second, I discovered that there are two types of gunners.

Gunner Type 1 has a split personality. In class they basically try to answer every question, but only because they want to impress the professor and actually produce good schoolwork out of an internal need to succeed. They are there to do a job, and that job is get straight A's. If their classmates cringe when they speak in class, so be it. But outside of class they are bright, funny, normal, generous, often insecure people who will not only give you the time of day, but will also hopefully ask if you have time for a coffee between classes, as if trying to make up for their in-class insanity.

Gunner Type 2 has just one personality: straight up asshole. In class they answer all the questions because they truly believe that they are smarter and better than those around them. They speak openly about their amazing outlines (but won't share them), brag about going to office hours, and ask things like "how many callbacks do YOU have this week?" even though you barely know them. Anything less than a big firm job is a failure. They turn into the type of associate who would ask another associate to fetch them coffee.

For a long time, I thought that Sean Avery was a Gunner Type 2 (aka a straight up asshole), mostly because of shit like this:

...or this.

...or this.

Sports Center even did a Top 10 Sean Avery moments:

Even his teammates don't like him (see the third video, above). And his wikipedia page is full of examples of his charming personality. He played for the Kings and was suspended. Apparently he made fun of Dustin Brown's lisp and caused fights inside the locker room. Even my friend who loves Sean Avery (why??) told me awhile back that Avery is "clubhouse cancer." He played for the Stars and was suspended after his "sloppy seconds" comment (third video above). Seems like the Rangers are the only team willing to put up with him...

...until now. And based on his past performance, I highly doubt any other team will take him. So he'll probably go to the team's affiliate, which is just embarrassing for him.

Gunner Type 2, right?

Actually, no. It seems like he has a bit of a Gunner Type 1 split personality. On the ice he is just doing his job, and off the ice he totally stands up for what he believes is right, and one of his causes is also very dear to me.

Because, you see, Sean Avery supports gay rights. In an era where sadly the f-word is still used as the ultimate insult against male sports professionals- where there is not one single openly gay NHL player- Sean Avery openly supports gay rights. To me, that is downright heroic.

Some people say it's because he is in the closet, pointing to his Vogue internship. I doubt it. Sean Avery may like clothes, but he doesn't belong in any closet. Sean Avery is blatantly unapologetic about who he is and who he's with and how he lives. More likely he is simply an open-minded individual who thinks that homophobia is fucking bullshit, and isn't afraid to say so.

So, Sean, I salute you. I think you're a dick on the ice, but off the ice, I think you're a prince. (Mostly. Except for when you assault police officers. I hated it when you did that because hockey players are usually so nice, but, if anyone was gonna do it, it would be you.) If this whole hockey thing doesn't work out in a few seasons, you should totally move to New York or LA and go into fashion. It would be nice to see you do what you love.

Royal Half: Blogger Season Preview

I can't lie. Life right now is pretty good. Hockey season is about to start, I found the perfect red dress yesterday, I'm going to Vegas this weekend, and I get to go shopping with my sister next week. In other words, all of my problems in life are pretty much Dan Ellis Problems. So unlike my typical Monday waking moments (where I punch the alarm clock and throw my phone across the room), I woke up today in a pretty good mood.

This good mood was unbelievably bolstered when I checked Twitter and saw that The Royal Half included me on their Blogger Season Preview. I spent a good 20 minutes reading the whole post instead of showering and getting ready for work (sorry, co-workers). It wasn't a total shock because I did email them and submit answers to their questions, but I honestly half thought they'd just throw my answers away and shake their heads while muttering "n00b."

If you haven't heard of The Royal Half, what the fuck are you doing reading my blog about the LA Kings? Reading me for LA Kings coverage is like sipping Martinelli's when you could be popping Dom. Royal Half has everything- puns, hilarious photoshops, and, oh yeah, amazing merchandise.

Thins I learned from the Royal Half's Blogger Season Preview:

(1) This year, I need to add a logo.

(2) I was the only blogger to use the word "dick" in my answers.

(3) I can't fucking wait for this season to start, because at the very least, I now have a list of a dozen+ great blogs that I can read on a daily basis.

So, many thanks, Royal Half. At the risk of sounding ridiculous (too late!) it meant a lot to even receive your email, let alone to see my answers posted on your blog.

And now, let the season begin!